"Best Player" Gender War Round 1: Success

Dear Baby Waider, 

Recently I had the honor of playing outside with you and your cousins. You were playing a hybrid of soccer and football. Mostly, cousin Lauryn was throwing the football with you, me, and Vern, and Harry was sort of playing soccer with you and Benny. You were having a blast. In the middle of the game Harry yelled, "Ewie you are the best girl!" to which you responded, "No, Hawey, I'm the best player."

Having a girl was an incredible burden to me. Will I allow her to be "girl" enough? Will I encourage her to fight with the boys and be AS GOOD as the boys, whatever that even means. Will she only tote dolls and play with Barbies? I was overly concerned with exposing Baby Waider to a variety of toys and experiences to ensure that was not stuck in a proverbial box of pink and princesses. My major concern for this arose because I find that by age 8 many girls are into mostly the same things. I've taught long enough to know that by a certain age gender does become an issue. A big issue. Unfortunately I think my fear for my girl was more of a fear that I should have had for my boy. It seems like in the world we live in today girls have much more freedom to be themselves. If my daughter wants to wear a tutu, batman shirt, and frilly bow, and sparkle boots no one is probably going to say anything. But if one of my nephews were to even dare to wear a princess shirt eyebrows would definitely be raised. 

This morning in a Facebook post one of my friends and former students talked about coming out to his family. This was a great reminder that maybe the greatest gift we can give to our kids is to accept them for who they are. I guess that is not only a gift that we can give to our children, but to everyone we know. Accept people for who they are. Such a basic concept. But so tough for so many to follow. We have visions of what we want our kids to be from the time we find out we are having them. 

I am fortunate to have escaped gender restrictions for pretty much my whole life. My parents thankfully allowed me to be a tomboy. My dad never left me behind and I also had a little brother who I shared interests with. I never really liked sports so I faced no issues there. I was allowed to mountain bike, taught to fish and love the outdoors, all while pursuing a career in teaching. I have spent my career in a woman's world and have faced no barriers in finding success. Most of my coworkers are also working moms, and I find that my boss understands what that means. In those respects I have been blessed.

Currently at 3, Baby Waider,  you face no gender limits. You are already a star ice-fisherman, love dinosaurs, batman, and monster trucks. You are not afraid to carry a doll or play with some Barbies. Not only that, but you adore sparkle boots, and tutus. I am blessed that you have such a variety of interests and you are so comfortable in your own skin. I've secretly mourned the day when you discover that not all girls share your interests. But, that afternoon when you told Cousin Harry that you are not the best girl, but the best player I had another reminder that chances are good you aren't going to be pushed around. I hope that you have the freedom to be who you ought to be. 

To be fair, I think what Harry was desperately trying to convey to everyone was that you were the best girl, but he was the best boy. Unfortunately, due to your comment he never got to express his point fully. Not going to lie. I was SUPER proud of your comment. I love strong girls. Even if you are a little "bossy." For now, I think we may have combatted some of the gender expectations for you. Now my worry has shifted more to Little Brother. He loves his baby dolls and I have a feeling you will come to his defense if anyone gives him a hard time about it!

Love, 

Mama