Baby Waider + Little Brother Too: Election Day PTSD

Dear Baby Waider + Little Brother Too,

I'll never forget Election Night 2016. Ever. I vividly remember snippets of that day still 4 years later. I had written and posted a blog the night or a couple of nights before. That morning of the election I got a FB message that nicely told me I had misspelled Hilary in the blog. I noted that I needed to fix the misspellings later that night after we voted. Truth. I didn't fix it until tonight. I just couldn't go back to that blog and even see what I had written. The days following the election became a blur. I wouldn't have recognized the optimistic mom who wrote that blog anyway and I didn't have the energy to correct the name of the first viable woman candidate who didn't pull off a win in the end. I remember spending much of the day nervous, but confident. The USA wouldn't elect a reality TV star to be the president? Would they? or WOULD THEY???? I was ecstatic to vote that evening especially with you, Baby Waider. Taking my daughter with me to vote for the first woman president was a moment I will never forget. I was proud and hopeful. We drove home to the most beautiful sunset. When we got home we cooked dinner and got super excited to watch election returns. Much of that night was gut punch after gut punch. What started as bleak optimism quickly degraded to sadness, and finally despair. I watched as the pundits went from gleeful and excited to astonished. I'll never forget the looks on their faces as they reported over and over again that Hilary lost one state, then another state, and another.

These four people, mainly the two adults had no idea what the next 24 hours would hold! Actually, what the next four years would hold!

So tonight I did some time traveling and read that blog from 2016. I was surprised by how nervous I was for that election. The one phrase I seemed to keep repeating was not being able to imagine Trump as a president. What's funny now is that I sort of could. Sexism and racism have become much more prevalent. Blaming, no regard for the truth, cheating, and violence have become more and more acceptable. The Trump family themselves are completely out of control. The fear and desperation I felt that night was warranted. The one prediction I failed to make about a Trump presidency was a global pandemic that he would downplay, disregard, and force the country to work through, all without masks. Didn't see that one coming!

I've gone back and forth about Election Night. Do I watch the returns come in as the pundits report on it? In 2008 & 2012 I have fond memories of feeling elated as the returns poured in in favor of Obama. Even on crazy nights like 2000 it was fun to watch the returns come in and Al Gore didn't even win! So I've made the decision to engage in the status quo tomorrow night. We will watch Chuck Todd report the returns on NBC with Lester Holt. I am not going to avoid social media and the news. I am going to cling to it. I am not going into this one with blind optimism. I'm going into with brutal skepticism. The kind that comes from four years of watching someone get away with everything shy of murder without having consequences. President Teflon. Four years of announcements and news about more and more atrocities that seem to progressively get worse. I have no expectations that this election will go as planned so it will be hard for me to be disappointed.

Without a doubt the year 2020 will bring out lots of memories and feels. In short we've done and been through some crazy shit. The one thing from 2020 I want you to remember is that we did all we could for this election. I say we because it was a collective effort. You both gave me the time and space to make calls to thousands of voters in Minnesota to ensure that state stayed blue. While I added making calls to our weekend to do list your dad picked up the slack so that I could have the time to do what I felt was so important. Your dad and I donated and donated and donated until we couldn't donate anymore to the campaign. While it was not a situation where you went without so Joe Biden could air another commercial in Wisconsin I do want you to know that we gave all we could. What's the point in saying this to you? It's so you know that we feel that the 2020 election is pivotal and so important. So much of YOUR future rides on this election.

The one thing I did not mention in my blog in 2016 was the fact that I did NOTHING for Hilary Clinton besides voting for her in a state where she had a zero percent chance of winning the three electoral college votes they hold. I made zero calls and donated zero dollars. I did nothing. This year I vowed to do and be better. I vowed to be engaged, vote, and donate. I did all three of those things and you helped too. Yesterday you even helped dad replace our stolen/blown away Biden sign. You even sat through long car rides to Pierre where I called voters all the way there. Tomorrow, no matter what I'm going into this knowing that the Waiders in Rapid City, SD did all they could do! We left it all on the field.

I am scared for Election Night. Maybe terrified is a better word. It is my distinct hope that I will be able to reverse the PTSD from 2016. I'm not sure that can be reversed. There are many theories that tomorrow night could spark a scary journey for our country into doubting the results or not waiting for all of the votes to be counted. I'm not going there for now. Tonight I feel proud, happy, patriotic, engaged, and incredibly nervous. I want to believe the polls, but I also just want to be scared.

You both already voted with us because we mailed our ballots in a month ago. You've listened to the podcasts on the way to school following the polls and hearing all of the predictions. You go into tomorrow prepared for a long night of watching the returns pour in.

Love,

Your Extremely Nervous Mom

Link to 2016 blog: https://www.blogger.com/u/2/blog/post/edit/6544222748399049601/64905411828810250

P.S. Election 2020 Pictures!