Sleepless in Rapid City...

Dear Baby Waider,

After reading this post please do not doubt your awesomeness. Your dad and I still think that you are the coolest, cutest, and best baby in the whole world, but this isn't a post like that. This is a post about you and what I'd like to call a little bit of a problem. The problem being that you flat out refuse to sleep at night. Or should I say rather, sleep through the night. You like to get up every so often and cry and try to eat and generally hang out. While this might be okay with you because you get to nap during the day your dad and I are finding it difficult to function. See we've even divided the night into shifts. The first shift is from 9:00-1:00 and the second shift is from 1:00-5:00. While it is good to be with you we would prefer being with you during the wakeful hours of the day. That would include times before 10PM and after 5AM. Oh, and as a side note, your doctor says you are healthy as a horse. Your ears look great, therefore beyond teething you should be sleeping like a, well, baby.


This "problem" has been going on now for a few weeks and I have to be honest that I don't think I have ever felt more exhausted in my life. I've never been known as a person who liked to miss very much sleep. In fact, one might say that I turn into a bit of a diva when I don't get my sleep. Being a diva isn't a good thing. I would hazard a guess that my second graders are all secretly wishing and hoping that I get a good night sleep soon as well.

Part of the problem is that you have not transitioned well from your little bed to your crib. If you remember a previous post mom, grandma and grandpa Halter spent lots of time finding your most awesome crib, so it would be really great if you would like it! You are getting better. So far you've made it two nights in your crib. You have woken up many, many times during those nights, but you did not go back into your little bed. I think I will count that as a victory. Also, you are no longer being swaddled at night. Again, another little victory.


Through this experience I've learned quite a bit about myself. "But mom! I'm the one not sleeping!" is probably what you are thinking to yourself. While this is true when you are up all hours of the night listening to a baby cry it really gives you a chance to reflect and think. What I've come to terms with is that up until now my life has been pretty darn easy. Anything I've attempted has turned out generally my way and has happened with little effort. This has been frustrating for me particularly because I want to reason my way out of this problem. In short I've experienced little failure in my life. (no brag, just fact) Since this isn't working the way I feel like it should, I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm failing as your mom because I don't know what to do and nothing works! In one of our many, many midnight rehashings of this problem your dad made a pretty valid point. Your nighttime sleeping problem is not a problem, rather it is a puzzle. We just need to figure out where the pieces fit and eventually it will work out. Just an FYI, I've always despised puzzles and I'm not very good at them. Puzzles take patience, which is something I don't have a lot of.

Typically when I face a challenge I do like to ask for help. That is exactly what I have done with this problem as well. I have spent countless hours talking to everyone I know about your sleep issues. Everyone has been so helpful, but truthfully talking to people makes me realize that when talking about baby sleep you are a member of one of two camps.

Camp 1: Bring the baby to bed with you. Sorry, sister, I love you too much to bring you into my bed with me. You need to sleep in your own bed. Period. Dad and I just aren't willing to later on have to break you of sleeping with us. Plus, I'm too scared we could hurt you by rolling onto you or having a pillow fall on you up or a blanket. Too scary for us, so that just can't happen. I pass no judgement to anyone who chooses this method and I totally get why they do it.

Camp 2: Cry it out. We've done this. Much to criticism from many websites, and other people we have let you cry. It is grueling and difficult. Sometimes you fall asleep and other times you battle out and eventually break your mom and dad down. If nothing else you are persistent. Last night we let you cry and cry and cry before we finally got you up and decided we may have to let you cry it out sometime down the road.

In life you will face challenges. What you do with these challenges is what matters the most. Through this little challenge I've learned so much. First, I've been reminded of the importance of not criticizing anyone for anything that they do that I may not agree with. I've spent lots of time criticizing what other people do with their kids. After dealing with a non-sleeper I criticize nothing parents do, for I believe that they only have their kids' best interest at heart. And, quite frankly, there is no manual or one way that works for everyone. Man do I wish there were...Also, giving advice is easy, following advice is a whole other story. Also, when people tell you something is hard (parenting) it probably is really hard. From a spectator's perspective it sure doesn't look that hard. Lastly, even if you don't sleep you are still the most amazing little person EVER! You always hear the phrase, "This to shall pass." I'm not convinced that this is completely true. Although chances are pretty good that you won't be a sleepless forever... Which brings me to my next point. Don't ever, ever ask if the problem can get worse. Because they can and will. I remember thinking when you used to get up twice that it couldn't get much worse...Now that we are up to 4 I can't help but wonder why I ever wondered if it could get worse. Now I know that it could get worse. YIKES. I'm sure I've learned way more than I've posted during my weeks of sleeplessness, but right now on 2 hours of sleep I really have no clue what else I have learned.

On a closing note I am remembering what a wise friend, Christine Schmid-Stephenson, (Hope I spelled that correctly. I'm too tired to look it up.) said. I'm paraphrasing here, but something along the lines that she is convinced that you either win or lose the "sleep lottery" when it comes to having a kid. I would have to admit that your dad and I have lost the "sleep lottery." I've played the actual lottery many, many times and have never won and am still a relatively happy person. So despite the fact that we lost the sleep lottery I am certain that we will be okay. Tired. But okay.

So after begging, pleading, bargaining with God, and buying countless products from passies to teething tabs, to mouth gel, to tylenol tonight I resolve to accept the fact that I will probably not sleep. And the night after that and the night after that...And so on and so on. I long for the nights when we all slept through the night.(Wednesday and Thursday night before Easter) They were few, but they were glorious. For now, I'm grateful that you are a healthy little twerp who until nighttime is mostly good natured.

Until next time, your delirious mama loves you!

Love,

Mom