Sunday, August 9, 2015

By the Numbers

Dear Baby Waider + Little Brother Too,

It has been FOREVER since I actually posted on here. I have had some major writer's block. I have four posts in draft mode simply because I can't seem to formulate a complete post that seems even  mildly interesting. I have taken to blaming my lack of brain power upon the fact that I had two kids in three years. Like grew two complete humans in my body and brought them onto the earth. And they walk, talk, and eat on their own. Not only that, but one of them uses the toilet on her own. So I dedicated a lot of brain power to that endeavor. :) All blame aside we have been LIVING as well. Two toddlers means go! go! GO! So at the end of the day it's not like I am overly eager to type up everything we did. So I'm taking comfort in knowing that I've documented everything 100 fold on Facebook, in pictures, and on Instagram. That being said, today I was inspired to update the blog. 

If you are able to read this then you probably already know that I have a strange thing with numbers and connections. Probably why I love the Timehop app so much. When I checked out the date today I made a connection. Baby Waider was the EXACT age Little Brother is today when Little Brother was born. 23 months. One month from two years old. Not potty trained and communicating on a VERY basic level. No wonder when people would see me lugging Baby Waider with a very large stomach they would say, "Wow! You're going to be busy." I would laugh and say, "Yep!" Looking back I had no idea just how busy I would be. 


That being said I would have to say that we made it! I know friends who have had two kids much closer together than mine, and even more than two kids closer in age! Those women are TOUGH, but due to their mind being completely gone they probably don't even realize just how tough they are. Kidding. The benefit to the two of you being that you have an incredible bond. You are best frenemies. You play together pretty well. With that you also irritate each other to no end. Little Brother has an amazing vocabulary simply from repeating the last word that Baby Waider says. 

For example this morning:
Baby Waider: Mom can we eat outside?
Little Brother: Outside!

Baby Waider: MOM! Benny won't leave me alone!
Little Brother: Leave alone!

We call Little Brother Baby Waider's parrot. He copies everything she says!

The downfall of having two kids so close together is that Little Brother is at an adorable age! He's so inquisitive, curious, and hilarious. Part of me feels like having a newborn at the same time caused me to miss out on Baby Waider during that stage in her life. I know I was there, but with being totally exhausted and sleep deprived I wonder if I was actually "THERE." I do remember Baby Waider being super interested in Little Brother, and I even remember letting her hold him on several occasions. I can't even fathom handing a newborn over to Little Brother because he would most certainly throw them. Or tell them to, "Go away!" One of his most famous two word phrases. Creating humans is unexplainable. You want to hold onto every moment, but it's not possible. Instead we are in constant memory making mode just trying to slow time down! Does that even make sense? I guess it does to me and that is all that matters.

The memories have been countless this summer. We have many pictures documenting these. But, I think when I look back on the summer of 2015 I will most cherish the times when you didn't know I was listening and you were quietly playing together, giggling,  or chasing each other down the hall. Smiles on your faces and sun-kissed. The memory I will try to forget is the door slamming and simultaneous crying over nothing. Now for a little then and now. 

When it's all said and done I'd have to say that Baby Waider you have been a stupendous big sister to Little Brother. And Little Brother you play your part very well. ;) Love you both more than you can comprehend. 

Love always, 

Mama



Sunday, April 19, 2015

15 years

Dear Baby Waider + Little Brother Too, 

I feel like I blog about my job far too often. I hope you never perceive it as I WANT you to be like dad and me and become a teacher. I want you to be whatever you want to be. I am not lying that I would be thrilled if you also became teachers because I seriously love what I do, but I ultimately want you to choose a profession that makes you happy, not makes me happy. That being said I blog about teaching so often because for me it is more than a job. I have been a teacher for most of my adult life. It is my passion and I'm proud to be a teacher.  

Last Friday was a pretty typical day at school for the late part of mid-April. I ended the day by stopping at my mailbox. I had a letter from the school district that said I would be recognized at the Teacher Appreciation Banquet for 15 years of service. I would never have expected to be affected by the letter like I was. I felt honored, proud, and sentimental. As my eyes scanned the letter I was immediately taken back 15 years. I had been working on my Mrs. Kallas blog for the past few weeks and listening to a book that took place during the time I was in college, so it didn't take long for my mind to find its way back there. 

I've always prided myself on being at the right place at the right time. I feel that I've been wildly successful. I tend to over-exaggerate so more truthfully I've probably been mildly successful. I can name people in my life who've made a big impact upon my life and ultimately led to what I would consider success. My family of course has played a major role. My husband, parents, grandparents, aunts, siblings, uncles, and cousins have blessed me with a life full of joy, inspiration, and happiness. Many of my relatives were teachers so that was a seed that was planted early in my life. I was even lucky enough to have the opportunity to help and work with Super Aunt Becky. I knew I wanted to teach from the time I was in second grade. That's when I started torturing teaching my siblings by playing school with them. 

I had some fantastic elementary school teachers. By far the best was Mrs. Wagner. She was funny, compassionate, and a snappy dresser. Mrs. Wagner was super nice to me, but that isn't why I remember her. I remember her because prior to being in fifth grade I was content with whatever grades I happened to earn. I feel like I tried, but I never really tried too hard. I remember Mrs. Wagner saying after a Social Studies test where I was happy that I earned a "C." Mrs. Wagner told me that I could do better. I could be getting "A's" not "C's."  I do not remember her wording, but I do remember her telling me that I COULD be an "A" student. It was almost as if I had to be told I could be a good student. Mrs. Wagner pretty much sold me on being a teacher myself. She seemed to enjoy every single day and everything that we did. I pretty much wanted to be her. 

My previous blog mentioned instrumental people from my college years. If you remember Mrs. Kallas got me back to being a teacher after giving me an amazing student teaching experience. She reminded me of all the things I loved about fifth grade and ignited a love for teaching I had forgotten about with the stress and monotony of college. Because of her inspiration when Super Aunt Francy told me of an opening in Meade School District I decided to apply. The opening I applied for was a third grade at Sturgis Elementary, I think. Mrs. Kallas helped me with the application process, which I believe I actually completed part of it on a typewriter. Portions of it HAD to be handwritten, which is unheard of today. I made a resume and a cover letter. I was in it for the long haul. 

Not surprisingly I got an interview with Mr. Norm Graham. Sidenote, Mr. Graham was my elementary principal. Aunt Francy totally got me the interview. I walked into the interview and expected Mr. Graham to be the only one there. WRONG! It was Mr. Graham and about 100 other people. Okay, not 100 but possibly 9 other people. It was ridiculous. I don't remember one thing I said in that interview. I do remember getting the call from Mr. Graham. He said, "Thanks for interviewing, you did a good job, but we went with someone who had a masters degree. That didn't even mean anything to me at the time. I was sad, but not devastated. Remember? I was going to Wisconsin. I wasn't going to waitress, but I had a job at a summer camp lined up so I wasn't too worried. Not too long after I got the call from Mr. Graham I got a call from Dan Olson. He asked me to come in for an interview. He had a position open in third grade. Whitewood is a tiny little town. Maybe 600ish people? I was more confident in this interview because when I walked in the room it was just Mr. Olson. We instantly seemed to get along and I felt good about the interview. A few weeks later while I was working at the summer camp he gave me a call and asked me to join the staff at Whitewood Elementary. I was excited, terrified, and incredibly relieved all at once. So it was. I was a teacher. Have been ever since. I called and thanked Super Aunt Francy for getting me the job. She said she got my in the door. I got the job myself. I remember when I went to sign my contract and other important documents, Carol Fellner, the secretary to the superintendent at the time said, "You will LOVE Whitewood. It's like a little slice of heaven over there." She was right. It was a slice of heaven. 

I can't explain when it happens, but you will wake up one day and feel ancient. You will realize that time has passed so rapidly that overnight you are the veteran. Mostly, you will realize that the new teacher you are teaching with, Allison Anvik, is the same age as your first group of students. It will hit you that you are no longer the newbie. You are the veteran. I imagine this happens in other professions too. In a profession where 46% of people will quit within the first five years nationwide I often wonder how it is that I love this job that I do. Again, I attribute it to people. I'm a successful teacher because of the awesome people I've known during the past fifteen years. 

Starting teaching is the most overwhelming task I've had to undertake. When I started teaching they did not do a new staff orientation beyond here are your keys, this is your room, here is your class list, be ready to teach them on August 30, 2000. I remember walking into the basically vacant room. I found some curriculum guides that were printed using a dot matrix printer and dated 1993. This was 2000. I was grateful that I knew about the South Dakota State Standards or I'm not sure where I would start. So here I was. Twenty two years old, in charge of 20 third graders, and I didn't even know where or how to make a copy for them. I am not trying to rip on my district because I'm not sure any of my classmates were oriented into their new positions any differently. I have never been one to shy away from asking questions, but I also didn't want my boss to think that he hired a total no mind. Enter, Mrs. Kvanvig. My SAVIOR for the first five years of my career. She showed me how to make copies myself, and how to send them to central copy. That may not seem like a big deal, but believe me it was. She told me what to grade and what to throw. She taught me the battles to fight and the ones you don't bother with. She gave me strategies for dealing with administration and parents. She had really fun ideas. I quickly learned from her no nonsense manner and her organization.  Okay, so I really haven't ever mastered organization Kvanvig style, but I can dream. Anyway. Mrs. Kvanvig was the BEST mentor I ever could have asked for. I really don't think I would have survived those first years without her because I just didn't have a clue. Teaching is hard. If you don't have a good mentor you are dead in the water. Mrs. Kvanvig was my life jacket those first few years and I really don't think I could have stuck with teaching without her. I mean, I might still be trying to figure out how to make copies!

Similar to Mrs. Kvanvig another lifeline was Karen Speed. She was the secretary. Any teacher will tell you to make friends with the school secretary. I quickly learned that Mrs. Speed was the BEST school secretary. She was funny, smart, caring, helpful, kind, knowledgable, and wise. Karen Speed advised me on so many things I can't even begin to tell you. She made me laugh and one time beat me badly in a match of leg wrestling. I learned quickly you don't take a ranch girl on in leg wrestling. It was not uncommon for Mrs. Speed to be the favorite part of my day and she was undoubtedly the reason I would laugh so hard at lunch that my stomach would hurt for days. I was grateful for her to reminding me to not take myself too seriously, or the job too seriously for that matter. She also wisely taught me that laughter really can cure all that ails you. She helped me learn the true value of good friends and the importance of asking for help. In fact, I remember being at school working with Grandma Halter one weekend and I was trying to make copies. Again, with the copy machine. I jammed the copier so badly I had to call Karen Speed at home. Through some miracle over the phone she coached me to fix the copier! Ever a friend and always there. She was sometimes the only comfort I felt once Mrs. C passed away.

Mrs. C. My beloved Mrs. C. She taught first grade. She was hilarious. She was the queen of one liners. We would have a parent who thought highly of themselves and her comment would be, "If you could buy them for what they are worth, and sell them for what they think they are worth you would make a million dollars." When talking about how under appreciated teachers are she would quote her former principal by saying, "Elementary school teachers are a dime a dozen." Sometimes that would help ground and focus us. Mrs. C. also told me that the measure of a good teacher was that when the child who annoyed you the most thought they were your favorite that made you an excellent teacher. She had the BEST ideas for activities. Her and Mrs. Kvanvig graciously involved me with their units they taught together. Those beginning years of my career were magical. We all had so much fun. Again, it is a moment in my life when I really become flooded with amazing memories whenever I think about it. 

Sadly, Mrs. C. suffered a similar fate as Mrs. Kallas. She was diagnosed with liver cancer and died after a grueling battle with it. Not a day goes by when I don't think of her. She is sorely missed by her former students, colleagues, and parents of students. Seven years later and I still think I hear her in the hallway outside my classroom or hope to hear her shout, "Hey Halter, ya old bag!"  The loss of Mrs. C. made it very difficult to carry on working at Whitewood. I still had fun, don't get me wrong, but it was vastly different. And incredibly difficult. A year after Mrs. C died I left Whitewood. I was driving 80 miles a day and I needed to work closer to where I lived, but the loss of Mrs. C. made for an incredibly difficult year and it just seemed like a good time to make a fresh start. 

I moved to Stagebarn Elementary in 2008 I believe. I was devastated to leave Mrs. Kvanvig, but I knew it was what I had to do. I was thrilled to move at the same time because I was going to be teaching next door to my little sister, and your aunt, Katie. It was a lifelong dream come true. I couldn't wait. Katie has been extraordinary to work with. She has great ideas, is organized, and helps me with the copier. I really do see a trend with copiers here...Anyway she's like a younger Mrs. Kvanvig. We sort of fill in the blanks with one another. Working with her has been the BEST and makes going to work a blast every single day. Along with Auntie I also work with Kassi Wilson and Allison Anvik. We call ourselves #dreamteam. Mostly I think because we have so darn much fun working together. Mrs. Wilson and Ms. Anvik have amazing ideas and have reignited this old veteran teacher. I often think to myself on my way to work that, "this is the good old days." Sometime in my life I'm going to look back on this time as some of the best times in my career. I love who I work with. Together we are fortunate to have one another. I know teaching would not be what it is if I weren't surrounded by these three women. 

I also work with Uncle Kelly. His class and my class have been reading buddies for the past few years. He is always certain to keep the workplace interesting and always makes us laugh. 

I'd be amiss if I didn't mention another special coworker. Mrs. Fenster. I won't lie. I couldn't read Mrs. Fenster the first year we worked together. I could tell we were both "badasses" and didn't take any crap from kids, but I just couldn't seem to crack her shell. It took a little while, but once I got to know what I would endearingly call Fenster I learned that she is a true friend and confidant. She taught me the value of being steadfast, calm, and reliable. We shared lots of laughs and she basically PULLED me through my first pregnancy and first year of being a mom.

Another important piece of the puzzle is Mr. Dschaak. My current boss and principal. I am not sure he will read this blog. It is probably better if he doesn't because I don't need him thinking that I am trying to score brownie points. I guess I could start by saying that for the first year maybe two he was not my favorite. He was the first "boss" that I worked for. Which is tough. Imagine a teenager who has been on their own for their entire life finally getting a parent. I was resistant at first and definitely used to different leadership styles. Once I adapted to his style I realized that we were in fact very fortunate to have him as our boss. Mr. Dschaak makes our school incredibly special. He is a leader who supports his teachers. I'm not saying that I always agree with him because I don't. What I do know is that Mr. Dschaak is going to shoot me straight and treat me right. I know if he has something to say about me he will say it to me.  A good principal makes all the difference in a school. He is the reason that I will be sending you to Piedmont Valley Elementary. It helps that it is our neighborhood school, but even if it weren't you would still be going there. Mr. Dschaak isn't afraid to manage behavior and have tough conversations with parents. I admire his willingness to be on the front lines when faced with difficult situations. He is supportive, encouraging, and also intimidating. He's the type of person you just don't want to let down.  He is a true leader and I am so fortunate to be a part of his staff.

Currently I am a teacher with fifteen years of experience. I am teaching in the lowest paid state in the union. THE LOWEST. As I stated in a previous paragraph 46% of my colleagues will leave this profession in the first five years. Mostly because it is hard and we aren't greatly compensated. The job seems to be getting harder. I can't say enough that I do love my job. It frustrates me, but I love it. I have so many people say to me, "I know your family lives in South Dakota, but you could make so much more money in any other state." True. I teach in a state and am about to send you to school in a state that does NOT in the least value education. So why do I stay?  If I were to leave now I would lose so much more than I would ever gain monetarily.I have hope it will improved. I have hope that you will meet extraordinary teachers as I have and be in the right place at the right time. 

So there it is in a nutshell how I've survived 15 years in a profession where 46% of teachers would have been gone in a third of that time. People. Never underestimate the value of the people around you. Learn from them. My first two years I received a "pink slip." Meaning my contract was not being renewed. I was the last one hired so the first one to go. To say I was devastated would have been a vast understatement.  I had never worked or tried so hard as I did that first year. It was like a punch in the stomach when I was told I couldn't come back. I applied and interviewed at a few places, but none of them felt even remotely like home to me. I was inevitably hired back that first year in the same position.  I wasn't too scared my second pink slip. I had worked like I could be fired at any moment and that made all the difference. I feel like losing my job those first two years really shape who I am as a teacher. Mrs. C. was right, elementary teachers are a dime a dozen. You have to work your tail off to stand out. Make sure you start your own profession that you work like you are at risk to being let go at any moment. Always try to stand out. At the same time. Don't let it consume you. So many teachers I know have let teaching take over their life. Love it. Love your students. But find balance. You can work 23 hours a day at teaching and still not be done. Control the monster. 

This post feels so random and unfocused. Probably because I am trying to fit 15 years of a career into a few paragraphs. I've worked with a number of different people, taught around 300 students, met nearly double that in parents, and have gained more than my fair share of weight on lounge treats and school lunches. I'm guessing that I probably have a minimum of another 15 years ahead of me. Making me right at the halfway point. Maybe even over half. Nostalgic is a funny feeling. It makes you yearn for a past you can never return to. At the same time it makes me grateful for where I am and the future ahead of me. I'm so glad that the school district sent me that letter so that I could take some time to remember where I have been to get where I am now.

Love Always, 

Mama

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Remembering Mrs. Kallas

Dear Baby Waider + Little Brother Too, 

Initially, when I started this blog I was 8 months pregnant, thought I would blog on a regular basis, had an abundance of free time, and also didn't want cliche blog entries about holiday happenings. I wanted my blog to be honest, hilarious, and share some wisdom with my children. In reality, having two jobs, two kids, and a passion for taking a million pictures has interfered with my blogging. So forgive me when they are sporadic and don't seem to make any sense. Forgive me when my sentences don't flow well and there are spelling errors because sometimes I'm just scribbling stuff down quickly. 

That being said I've probably only blogged twice since Christmas. That's not to say that we haven't had a blast this winter. We have, but winter seems annoyingly busy. It seems like we do a bunch of different things, but I never really blog. So I have thousands of things to write about to catch you up on our happenings, but I felt like I wanted to share more of my past with you. So here goes. During the winter I always replay probably one of my favorite winters. It was winter of 2000. It really seems like a lifetime ago. I was a student teacher. I had met one of the coolest people I had ever met in my life. She would be my mentor, confidant, and friend. She was Mrs. Kallas. 

I met Mrs Kallas the first day of my last Christmas Break in college. I was getting ready to graduate once I passed my student teaching. I really didn't care too much about student teaching to be honest. While I knew I needed to jump through this hoop I had other plans. I remember the day I met Mrs. Kallas vividly. My good friend Brooke Kelly and I were headed to the school together because she was student teaching in the same building. This was the only part of student teaching I was even remotely excited about. She left me at Mrs. Kallas's room. I walked into her room, and with all due respect I thought I was in a storage room. There were stacks on top of stacks. Book shelves full of books, papers, workbooks, etc. The room was filled to the brim with stuff. It was a little shocking. I walked in and she was sitting at a table hiding behind a three foot stack of paper and some folders. I said hello and she ran right over to the door to greet me. Thankfully her prior student teacher, Kim Johnson, had given her a positive experience so she was excited to meet me and have another student teacher. After having taught myself for 15 years I can tell you that student teachers are a mixed bag! You get some good and others...not so good. 

She said, "I'm Arlene Kallas! It's nice to meet you." 
I said, "Nice to meet you too. I'm not really going to teach. I'm only student teaching so I can graduate. I'm actually going to move to Wisconsin to be a waitress when I graduate."

*COMPLETE SILENCE* 

Let me give you the back story. I had some friends who lived in Wisconsin. I met them while I was a waitress in Custer State Park. I went to visit them in 1998? 1999? for a concert and we had a blast. It was then that I decided I was going to quit school and move to Wisconsin and be a waitress. I was so EXCITED! I loved waitressing and the money was great. What could be more fun than waiting tables sans a college degree and living in Wisconsin! BIG FUN!!! I broke the news to my parents. They wisely didn't say much. I knew they wouldn't approve, but I don't remember them being overly naggy about it or anything. If they were I didn't care. My mind was made up. I also told my friend and classmate Brooke Kelly I was done. I don't remember her exact words, but she said something about me being an idiot, or a fool, or something. She was less than supportive of my decision. I know I told Uncle Jay too, but for the life of me I can't remember what he thought.

My final step was to let my advisor know that I'd be leaving school. Totally burned out and ready to take a break, waitress, and then make some plans about going back to college sometime in the near future. Seemed like an easy conversation to have with my advisor. She was a nice lady and I'd only met her a few times so it seemed like it would be a conversation I would breeze right through. It did not go well at all... Two hours later she had me on a path to complete school, including student teaching in one year. I'd have to take 27 credits my last semester, but it was possible. I'd student teach and graduate. BUCK UP was what she said in so many words. Just finish your student teaching and graduate. Then you can waitress your tail off. Those were not her exact words, but all I knew is that just to get out of her office I'd agree to about anything. 

So it was. I had the LONGEST SEMESTER OF MY LIFE!! I worked and maintained a strong social life while I took said 27 credits and it was one of the craziest times in my life. I slept very little. So by the time I met Mrs. Kallas I was exhausted, burnt out, and couldn't care less about teaching anyone let alone a class of fourth graders. 

Needless to say the first impression I made on Mrs. Kallas was less than impressive. It was downright bad. Our first impression of each other was something we would laugh about later. She would do an impression of me, wearing my Birkenstock sandals, wool socks, and sweater from Good Will that December day that was pretty spot on. Now that I'm in the position to take student teachers I can't imagine if one said something like that to me. 

Though my start to student teaching was rocky the experience itself was much different. First of all I lived at home. With my mom and dad. After three and a half years on my own working and going to school and having LOTS of fun it was a relief to not have to work and live with my mom and dad. I remember my mom (your grandma) cooked dinner and it was quiet and I went to bed pretty early at night. It was good. I probably should have thanked them more for letting me move back home that winter. Thanks mom and dad! My guess is they loved it as much as I did. 

Second of all you only get one chance to work with a teacher while you are teaching. You are probably wondering how it went when I arrived that first day of my assignment. Mrs. Kallas smiled at me, pointed to a table in the back, and said, "You can sit back here. Whenever you decide to get involved you just let me know."  You only get a few months to soak up all the wisdom that you can get from a fellow teacher. We immediately developed a bond that I am forever grateful for. Mrs. Kallas's classroom was magical. It took about a week before I was so excited to jump right in I could hardly stand it. Before I knew it I was knee deep in fourth grade. And loving every minute of it. I learned more than I could ever imagine. I was inspired and by the time I was done student teaching I decided to throw a couple of applications in. 

Mrs. Kallas loved her students more than any other teacher I've met. She was tough as nails, but as gentle as you could be. She believed in the kids and wanted to give them an experience they'd never forget. She did her OWN classroom fundraiser so that we could take as many field trips as we wanted. If the fundraiser didn't  earn enough money then she would pay the rest. She knew it was THAT important to give students the experience to see everything we could in the area. We went on seven field trips that year. She was special and did things that I've never experienced another teacher doing. It's difficult to put into words my experience student teaching with Mrs. Kallas. Partly because it was fifteen years ago, but also partly because in life you will have moments that are so amazing they are hard to put into words. You just have the movie that is a memory that you can play back in your mind. 

While I was with Mrs. Kallas she taught me many many things that I refer to on a daily basis in my own teaching. Mostly do your best. Always do your best. Anyone who had the good fortune to know Mrs. Kallas was truly blessed. I have no doubt that students never forgot her. Anyone who student taught with her never forgot her. I know I will never forget her. She is the reason (along with super aunt Francy telling me there were job openings) I decided to forgo waitressing in Wisconsin and get a teaching job in Whitewood, SD. Probably one of my best decisions! That is another blog post.  

Close to two years after I met Mrs. Kallas she died of liver cancer. Saying it was sad is an understatement. I was devastated that she died. I was there the night before she died to say goodbye. Your Grandma Halter drove me to her house. She was surrounded by people who loved her. I said goodbye and that I loved her. I truthfully couldn't say much, I was just too sad. Sometimes you will meet people in your life. They might be one of your most favorite people and they will die. It will break your heart. I think of Mrs. Kallas nearly every day in my classroom. In so many ways she is there with me. Day in and day out, working with students, teaching them, and laughing. Due to that I guess you could say that Mrs. Kallas lives on through my own teaching and thoughts of her. 

Fast forward to 2003. I ran into Kim Johnson, remember? Mrs. Kallas's student teacher right before me? I saw her and Boarders. That's a bookstore that is now closed. We chit chatted. She updated me on the happenings at the school where I student taught and also told me that she was teaching with a single guy whom she thought I should meet. She also wanted me to bring a bunch of stuff from Mrs. Kallas because I had made copies and stored them. She didn't have them and wanted them. So I agreed to come and meet this Adam Waider guy and drop off some teaching materials in the meantime. For some reason I agreed. I really wasn't into being set up, but I was into giving Kim some of the resources from Mrs. Kallas. Needless to say, I went and met Adam Waider. He asked me out later that week and as they like to say, the rest is history. Did Mrs. Kallas have a hand in our meeting? I'd like to think so. Everyone does say that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes your greatest pain can lead you to the greatest happiness. 

Love always, 

Mama

P.S. I would love to post pictures but 2000 was still film years. Not too many digital pictures and I have no idea where any of the pictures from that time are! 

P.P.S. I think I owe a huge THANK YOU to Sandee Shamber, my advisor, for not letting me quit school. Also, thank you, Brooke Kelly for giving me a good kick in the butt whenever I needed it, as well as being open to having lots of fun. You were like a big sister to me that very difficult semester. Those were some great times! Also, sorry to Jason Kelly for being a HUGE pain in the butt to you! ;) 





Sunday, February 22, 2015

Parent Teacher Conferences

Dear Baby Waider + Little Brother Too,

The past week is a blur. It is no wonder that I spent all day yesterday sleeping, watching Hotel Impossible, with a horrible sore throat. This past week was Parent Teacher Conferences. I've always had a love/hate relationship with P/T Conferences. Often I have good news to share. "Your child is on track and a wonderful student!I really enjoy him/her." Sometimes, not so good. "Your child is not progressing as well as they should. I believe we need to further investigate your child's progress." Sometimes, I tell parents things that are not a surprise. "Your child is pretty chatty. I really enjoy them, but I feel they would be more successful if they learned when it is appropriate to talk and try to make other students laugh." As a teacher we have tough conversations with parents. But somehow becoming a mom has made them so much easier. 

During the first 12 years of teaching I heard over and over and over, "When you are a parent you will understand." It would sting. Not because I couldn't have children, but because I didn't think it had anything to do with me being a good teacher. Knowing that some teachers CAN'T have children, and knowing that they could hear this from parents really kills me. This always strikes me when I am doing P/T conferences. Like now I don't have to wait to cringe when someone tells me this after I drop a bombshell on them about their darling. Somehow after being a parent for three years I have more credibility than a teacher with 12 years of experience? Because I have a child of my own I will dismiss poor behavior or inadequate parental support to their children? Now that I have children of my own I somehow will be softer, kinder, and gentler? I am none of those things.  

What REALLY happened when I became a mom

My expectations for students have not changed one bit. I still have the same requirements of my students and the parents in my classroom. If anything now, my expectations are higher. I demand more from myself because I know how crucial it is that we have high quality teachers. When I tell parents something I make sure that I tell them in the most honest way possible. They deserve the truth because if they really care, which I believe most do, they want their kids to be the best that they can. I also want to be sure that parents are very clear as to how they can help their child. I went to a parent screening two years ago with Baby Waider. I was terrified. What was this screener going to say about my child? Was she on track? Behind? Immediately I understood what I had been doing to parents for the past twelve years. Causing them to be anxiety ridden, self-critical, and terrified about their parenting skills. The screener had dealt with my type before. Teacher with a mental checklist of all the milestones my daughter should have met. She didn't meet them all (which was horrifying!). Thankfully, she had lots of great tips for us to try with her! Learning how to better help her was invigorating. I loved any little tip that they could give. I soak it up when I find an idea on Pinterest or grandma has something that we need to work on. So I know now more than ever when someone wants ways to help their kids they probably really do want to help their kids. They also need to be taught HOW to help their child. 

What really did change was the fact that I KNOW how hard it is to be a mom. Like really, really hard. No matter the parent (and I've met some really interesting ones) we all have something in common that crosses economic differences, racial differences, and education differences. We love our kids more than anything in this world. 

This year I was wanting to acknowledge to parents that I know they are doing a really hard job. We went to a motivational speaker. (Someday you will get to experience the JOY ~sarcasm~ of going to a motivational speaker) This one was actually pretty good. He got me thinking about acknowledging what people do well and sincerely telling them what they do that is good. This time at conferences I told all of the parents 1. That they are doing a good job. 2. They are doing a hard job, and I appreciate what they are doing. 3. Their kid is a good kid. Many eyes filled with tears and one mom cried. I totally got it. Being a mom is so hard and you really never hear you are doing a good job. Especially by someone who spends time with your kid. Part of me felt like I might be telling not so good moms that they were doing a good job when they could do better. Facts are, I do believe that parents do the best they can with what they have. Everyone has a different skill set and a different level of ability when it comes to being a parent. I really do believe that 99% of parents are doing all they can for their kids. By acknowledging that I knew they were doing a hard job and doing the best that they could I communicated much better to them about their child. Also, I know that many parents have never heard that their kid is a good kid. I do believe that every kid is a good kid. 

For years I would immediately resent any person who uttered the words, "When you have kids you will understand." Those words disgust me no less than they did 12 years ago. But now I get that people have more credibility when dealing with someone who has been in their shoes. It takes a certain amount of love to stay up all night with someone who is screaming uncontrollably. When you have a baby you are forever changed. You love that little person greater than you thought you could love. So when I tell parents something tough for them to hear I know that I am about to tell them something about the person they love more than anything. Which might really hurt them. I would not have understood that hurt before now. 

I use a Venn Diagram at school to help kids understand how to compare and contrast things. 

On one side of this would be parents, the other side teachers, and in the center those who are both. Now that I'm in the center I want parents and teachers to both know a few things. 

First, teachers care about your child. They do not love them to same way, but they do deeply care. They cry about your child, they want your child to be safe and successful. They want you to do what is best for them. They want to do what is best for them. That's all. It has nothing to do with them being a parent or not. They don't want to hear excuses no matter what. They want you to take action and take what they say seriously. They are not telling you that you are a bad parent because there is a problem with your child. Telling them that they will understand more when they have kids of their own is counter productive. People can't understand what they haven't experienced. Not only that, but with the number of teachers I know who CAN'T have kids it's just too dangerous. 

Next, parents put their heart and soul into their children. Most every thought they have is about their children, their well being, progress, hopes, dreams, talents, and abilities. They are in a certain amount of denial about their children because they love them and sometimes love is blind. Sometimes parents don't follow through because they are tired and it is hard to follow through. Even-though we aren't supposed to want our kids to like us we do want them to like us. Especially after working long hours. Parents hate taking advice from people who don't have children. Because being a parent is the hardest job there is. You really don't know until you've been there. So what they mean when they say, "You will understand when you have kids some day," is, "when you stay up with someone countless nights bouncing them while walking up and down the hallway you sort of love them. A lot. When someone comes into this world from your insides you tend to get a little defensive of them and for them. So that might be why I'm flaring up a little right now." 

After writing this post I just realized that it is really a personal reflection that may not ever pertain to either of you. You may choose to not be a parent or a teacher. But maybe it's more about perspective. No matter who you meet they will have a different perspective than you. It may be good or bad. Take advice as it comes. If it is good keep it, if it is poor advice then ditch it. But know that sometimes even if someone has no understanding of you or your perspective they may still have pertinent advice and something good to offer you. 

UPDATES 

Little brother is starting to be more verbal!! 

He says:
Mike!
Joe!
Mine!
Dad!
Grandpa (sort of)
Kitty
Mia
Bye
Hi
Mama (my favorite)
He also says something for paci but it cannot be put into words. 

Baby Waider is HILARIOUS. She's full of one-liners and keeps us in stitches. She still loves monster trucks, batman, dinosaurs, and her newer love Spikey the frog.

As for activities we have been very lucky this winter! It has been very warm. We went ice fishing as a family and had a blast. Baby Waider and dad have been ice fishing a bunch. We have been to the park several times to play along with taking many walks and playing outside.

Hopefully this wasn't too detached and rambling. If it is blame it on the Dayquil.

Love, 

Mama  





Sunday, January 18, 2015

Baby Years

Dear Baby Waider + Little Brother Too,

Yesterday I was at the store and saw a magazine that stated that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise were having a custody battle over Suri (their daughter). I was surprised to learn that they had broken up. Last I had heard Tom Cruise was crazy about her and jumping on Oprah's couch to prove it. Today I told Grandma Halter about my discovery about Tom and Katie and she laughed saying, "I think they split about five years ago." 

I didn't know! I couldn't help it. I've been in the baby years. Super Aunt Becky and I used to go to the pool. A lot. One time we were chatting about something (oddly I remember it was Princess Diana's death). Super Aunt Becky made the comment that she didn't really remember that because she had a baby that year. I laughed and said something like, "Those were my college years and I still remember!" I remember this conversation because for a long time when I couldn't remember something I would blame it on happening during my college years. You'll understand that some day. So it has happened that I am coming out of my baby years. Just three short years and I'm out. I haven't  been to a sit-down restaurant fewer times than I have fingers on one hand. If I'm not at work chances are pretty good that I am at home and in sweatpants. I am no longer afraid of puke. I can change a diaper faster than you would ever have to. I am an expert at folding mini-clothes and matching mini-socks. I can't remember the last time I went to a movie in the theater and I don't know any pop music. Aside from Baby Waider's two favorites, All About the Base and Shake it Off. I never watch the news anymore and rarely know of any current events that are not discussed on Facebook. I've been in full on baby mode. 

Over Christmas break I was reflecting upon the fact that I had had many productive days in a row. Not only that but I felt...RESTED! I took awhile for me to figure it out, but rested was something I hadn't felt in awhile. Then, we went to work in the basement. We wanted to get the baby stuff together to collect for our giant rummage sale. I came upon a hoard of formula containers and I instantly started to bawl. Your dad, who is used to my sudden outbursts of crying, asked what happened. I replied, "My baby years are over!"

Everyone in our house now feeds themselves. Everyone can walk and even run. No one needs formula. We have had several family dinners where we ALL FOUR sit down to eat dinner and no one has a melt down. Not every night, but some nights! We have a standard bedtime and that is by 7:45PM. No one is up until 6:00AM.  On the weekends we sleep in. Three-fourths of us use the potty for poop and pee (YESSSS!!). Three-fourths of us do not need a bottle or pacifier anymore. If we were to stop being lazy we could probably all be drinking out of a glass or sippy cup.  Nearly everyone can express what they want. (Little brother gets better everyday!) In our basement we now have a mountain of strollers, walkers, a rock-n-play, mini bath tubs, and a bumpo. We boxed up rattles since they were only used to throw at the dog and cats. I reluctantly reduced the swaddle blanket inventory. Tiny sleepers are long gone. Nearly everyone can have a blanket in bed. All of these items that only four years ago we began carefully collecting are worthless to us now. These things were mission critical for a short time. Now chances are I will never need them again.



I've gone back and forth with the loss of the baby years. Part of me has loved quiet (sort of) nights at home cuddling on the couch. I loved my little babies who would lay on the floor in one place and quietly play with toys. The cuddles were priceless. All good things, but as your dad said the other day, "The first year of life is miserable." Don't get me wrong both of us LOVE babies. Especially our babies. It was such a special time. But, there is a certain satisfaction in knowing that we can grab my purse with a few diapers and wipes, a couple of snacks and be on our way. Both of you nap at the same time. Things are just simpler now. The nights pacing the hallway trying to soothe an inconsolable baby are past. The swaddling and shushing are done. We don't have to worry about the sheer panic you feel when you go to bed not knowing how long it will be until you are summonsed to the room next door to meet some unknown request. I am no longer a human feeding machine every hour. Diaper changes are longer than 40 minutes apart, we don't have to make 1,000 bottles a day. We no longer have to shovel every last morsel into little mouths while waiting for it to come back at us. The guessing game of what will make the child stop crying is significantly reduced. 

Before the St. Nick's party Grandma Halter was over. Little Brother was running around and playing, and we were laughing at him. I said, "He's not a baby anymore." Then while we both looked at him it was if Grandma read my mind. She said, "It's okay if you don't miss him being a baby." I've referred back to that. I don't miss babies. I LOVE toddlers. They crack me up everyday. They dance and giggle, and seem to just get better with age. 

I remember being pregnant with Little Brother. No secret. I am the WORST at being pregnant. I'm a wimp, tired, annoyed, hot, crabby, and all around just not good at it. But I really felt like I had a job. I was completing our family so that we could all four start the journey of the rest of our life. I was terrified to have two kids so close together. Paralyzed with fear. But now it is going to be the four of us from here on out doing everything together. Very little happened as a family of three which is fortunate. Our family is complete and we are all mobile enough to really get started making some memories. 

While I sound happy to be done with my baby years I would be a complete phony to not acknowledge that I will always mourn the loss of my baby years. Life is full of different stages, but by far the fastest stage for me was the baby years. Which seems unfair. I had to endure high school for four years, but my baby years were a short three years. Not only that but I spent my baby years in a fog doing nothing well. Much of it I do not remember. Thank goodness I did this blog and took thousands of pictures or I would know nothing. 

If you ever notice when a mom enters anywhere with an infant, women, in particular, flock to her. They  hold the baby and immediately fall into a bouncing/shushing rhythm that seems all too familiar. They ultimately look longingly at the little baby and make weird voices and faces. I used to think that was so weird  before I had kids. Completely foreign, but now I get it. Instantly we are taken back to a moment in time that went by too quickly. Instantly we remember our little treasures when they were that size. So it is that my baby years are over. We are in the thick of the toddler years. Someday they will be past. Right now that feels unbearable, but maybe by the time that comes I'll be ready. Lord help us when we enter the teenage years. We will have two teenagers at once. YIKES!! 

From here on out I will reflect upon my baby years as I reflect upon my college years. They were lots of fun, too many late nights, not enough sleep, I worked my butt off, and most definitely this body could not handle going through them again. 





Love, 

Mama

Sunday, January 4, 2015

2014: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Dear Baby Waider + Little Brother Too,

2015 is here! Hard to believe how quickly the years have passed since Baby Waider joined us in 2011 and 2013 when Little Brother joined. A few days ago my Timehop app reminded me of a post I made that said "2011=awesome, 2012=even better, and 2013=can't wait to see."

This post made me laugh because I started thinking about what 2013 brought. A NEW BABY! Huge change! Huge blessing! Lots of work! Anyway it's funny. We never know what New Years will bring. In 2005 I didn't know that dad was going to ask me to marry him! Come to think of it in 2003 I didn't know that that would be the year I would meet your dad. I've never liked New Years. I think its an annoying holiday, too close to Christmas when people expect you to stay up too late. (This year I was in bed, and asleep before 8:45, but to be fair I had the stomach flu.) This year, while reflecting on the couch trying to recover from the stomach flu, I realized that while I may not want to celebrate the new year it is a big deal. We get to start another year together. We will share in new experiences while also sharing in old traditions. Plus, it gives us a much needed chance to reflect upon the past year. 

The good: BABY WAIDER WAS POTTY TRAINED!!! POOP AND ALL. Special thanks to Grandma Halter, Grandpa Halter, Kayla, and Toys 'R Us.

The Bad: Little brother is STILL TEETHING, has been teething, and has not stopped teething for most of the year! UGH! Christmas break has been the break of the eye teeth. We all look forward to a time when Little Brother will have all of his teeth and hopefully show them to us via a smile. Not crying. 

The Ugly: There is no ugly in this beautiful life. Cheers to 2015!

Love, 

Mama



The Christmas Rush is Through

Dear Baby Waider + Little Brother Too,

Without a doubt it is a little sad for me when Christmas is over. This year we made lofty plans of super Christmas fun. 


We participated in all of the above events and they were all a great success! 

PARADE OF LIGHTS


The Parade of Lights was FREEZING. Miserable, windy, and cold. The best part was eating afterwards. 

ST. NICK'S PARTY


This year we did crafts, played games, did a felt board story, and had a visit from St. Nicholas. We also decided to shop for another child who may not have as many gifts as you will for Christmas. You were able to choose toys for someone else and did very well. We also ate at Taco Johns, which ruled. 

Harvest the Family Christmas Tree

This has been describe in detail in a former post. 

Cookie Decorating & Gingerbread Construction

Due to the fact that we had several activities planned for the St. Nick's Party we decided it would be appropriate to have a seperate get together for decorating cookies and making the gingerbread house. We also decided to add on watching the Polar Express. Auntie made tickets, popcorn, hot chocolate, and North Poles. It was a wonderful time! Baby Waider had a little TOO much fun and sugar. In an almost delirium at the end of the night you spilled hot chocolate all over your tights and grandma's floor. You also proceeded to run around yelling about your own North Pole Elf, Lucy. I think you enjoyed the movie, but your sugar rush made you so crazy no one can be positively sure. I stayed late and helped auntie and grandma clean, so dad had the good fortune of putting you to bed. A sign of about how well that went was when I got home 30 minutes after you to hear you screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO BED, DAD!!!! I'M NOT TIRED!" Not sure we will do the Polar Express party next year, but this year it was really fun. 




 Gingerbread House Construction

The cookie decorating took quite a bit of time so we moved the gingerbread house construction to our house the following day. You and dad had a blast decorating the house and it looked really nice too!



Christmas Eve

Nothing like waiting until the last minute we decided to see Santa the morning of Christmas Eve. We didn't give Santa much time to operate while making requests at the last minute. 

Santa: "What would you like little girl?"

Baby Waider: "I want a witch. A baby witch."

Mom: *in my head* WHAT???!!! A WITCH?? A BABY WITCH!?????!!!

Thankfully Santa was able to operate quickly. He whipped a witch right up and you loved it. The cousin picture turned out pretty great too if you ask me. Dad thought to put Little Brother behind Baby Waider=Win. Dropping the cell phone between them=LOSE. Little Brother is outraged because dad took his paci right before the picture was taken. 







Christmas Eve was pretty special. We had Grandma and Grandpa Halter over with the Webers. Both of you LOVED having everyone's undivided attention. Super Cousin Lauryn even read one of Baby Waider's favorite ultra boring dinosaur chapter books to her. My favorite part was when Baby Waider opened her tea set and the Webers joined her for watered down milk from her new tea set. She loved every minute of it. Thankfully the Webers are excellent sports and weren't creeped out by the watered down milk concoction like I am. 

Grandma and Grandpa had lots of fun helping you littles open your presents. Grandma and Baby Waider also made a birthday cake for Baby Geezus (Jesus). No lie. It was THE BEST CAKE I'VE EVER EATEN! So good. The night was wonderful. Lots of laughs, food, and FUN! I'm so grateful that everyone could come over and be with us. 

Christmas Day

Christmas Day was wonderful as predicted. Santa made it AND miraculously brought a witch with him. Little Brother got a truck.  (that he LOVES)Following in the tradition of mom's childhood we went to grandma's house for Christmas Day. We had a fabulous breakfast with fabulous people.   Each child had around 1,000 presents to open. It was so much fun to see everyone open gifts. After gift opening we had a nap, followed by sledding, and then followed by a delicious dinner and more playing. All in all a reminder of how blessed we are by our family and friends. I still feel all warm and fuzzy inside just thinking about the feeling of Grandma and Grandpa Halter's house at Christmas. There is a constant buzz of talking, laughing, story sharing, present opening, and eating. The lights glow outside reflecting on the snow. The crowd is much the same year after year and the feeling is the same. Grandma and Grandpa do Christmas well.



































Grandpa Marker and Mary

Usually after Christmas your Grandpa Marker comes to celebrate Christmas with you. This year was no different. Grandpa Marker and Mary brought lots of great gifts with them, including lots of Frozen swag, Broncos swag, and other goodies. 



The four of you had a blast playing and playing and playing. You went hiking, sledding, and pretty much just played. All the time. Everyday that they were here. You were both pretty sad when they returned to Colorado! 

As Christmas Break 2014 wraps up I am trying to embrace the mantra of "Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened." We had so much fun this holiday season. Its hard to embrace that next year you will be another year older and somehow some of the magic will dwindle. I sure hope not. Thanks for the wonderful break, my littles. 

Love always, 

Mama